For some people, fall shopping is a very exciting ritual that marks the change of seasons and offers an opportunity for a fresh start and maybe even a new look. For me it's a cringe-worthy time since I tend to put on weight during summer months. Blame it on socializing at one of hundreds of barbecues or hours of hanging out in a backyard bar guzzling German beer, either way I am scrambling to get back into my cold weather clothing by October.

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Your pants are lying to you

Life on this earth can be difficult, unforgiving, and miserable.

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Adam Morrison of the Los Angeles Lakers WILL tell you how to succeed.

The Australian man you see here is in big trouble for sending people MMS snaps of what he had “down under” to them via mobile phones he had swiped, according to police in Melbourne. Pleading guilty to 60 charges, including the private part picture messaging, Shane Anthony Willis, 33, told police he had “been off me head for a while” and “doing stupid things.” Ya don't say…

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Man steals phones, sends strangers pics of his privates: Cops

A Jennifer Lopez movie made a woman so angry with her husband that she attempted to set his go-kart and jacuzzi on fire and threatened to put his dogs to sleep, according to police in Milton, FL.

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J-Lo flick fosters flamingly jealous felonious rampage?

In 1979, comedian Steve Martin published a book of short works called Cruel Shoes , which included an essay by the same name.

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Offbeat bras poke fun at society’s dumb standards of beauty

When a burglar alarm went off at a Charlotte, NC middle school on Monday, cops responded quickly. When they arrived four minutes later, they reported that they found a broken window and 58-year old Janice Shields (pictured) inside the place of learning.

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Empty-headed woman caught fully nude in middle school: Cops

A drunken nude dude was arrested after allegedly posing and bending over for passing motorists in West Virginia. Todd Edward Crenshaw (pictured and clothed) “didn't know” why he was naked, say police.

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Man in buff falls on duff before arrest

Today is the day to kick back, eat too much and not do a lick of work.  Enjoy!  We sure are… Back at you tomorrow with a slew of hot and fresh dumb stuff. Image: Tino the dog (who you've seen here before ) done up for Labor Day by author Barbara Metzger .

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Happy Labor Day from our unofficial dumb mascot

For allegedly reporting money lost that was found in the microwave along with crack cocaine , Denonta Thadison snagged roughly 30% of votes and became the dumbest criminal of last week. Now, get ready to help us choose the dimmest crimanl dolt of the week

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Vote now for the dumbest criminal of the week

Comedian Todd Barry (pictured) has been seen and heard on so many cool film and TV thingys it makes me sleepy trying to boil down his career in this intro.  So not gonna.  And although he's now a succesful actor & V/O dude, you can still scope him doing standup comedy from coast to coast. Wikipedia says Todd's all BFF with comedian Louis C.K.

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Exclusive: Comedian Todd Barry talks about his dumb new promotion scheme