Top-shelf baby batter A 36-year-old virgin has fathered 14 kids, but claims to be a virgin. The Silicon Valley sperm donor says he's never had a sex partner and feels it's his duty to the couples who use his juice not to deplete the in-demand supply

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Dumb News: Virgin dad refuses to have sex so he can keep fathering kids

SEX MYTH: Green M&Ms make you horny. FACT: You're an idiot.

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Green M&Ms make you horny (& 14 other sex myths)

SEX MYTH: It is possible to break a penis. FACT: There is no actual “bone” in a “boner.” If you believe a single one of these 15 supremely dumb sex myths , then please kindly refrain from fornicating, bumping uglies, banging, knockin' boots, doing the horizontal dance, playing hide the salami, shagging, injecting the hot beef, doing it, sticking it in and basically anything that could remotely lead to passing on your dumb gene.

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15 dumbest sex myths

Armeggedumb The earthquake that was felt in Washington DC, New York City, Ohio, Michigan, Georgia, Illinois and elsewhere across the country today was no joke.

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Dumb news: watching 2012 on cable didn’t cause the earthquake

The “911” emergency contact number might seem like it's been around forever, first burned into brains since our elementary school days when Scruffy the Emergency Hobo Clown taught us to “dial 9-1-1 if you see fire or hear a gun” and not to set boxcars on fire “because I might be sleeping in one.” (I can still hear him screaming when I shut my eyes.) However, it’s only been around for the last 43 years , which isn’t even half of the age of the actual telephone you would use to call it.

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9 of the dumbest reasons people actually called 911

Cadbury creme eggs are dumb. Those disgusting orbs of sugary gunk are what I imagine an adult Augustus Gloop binges on during cold nights when he realizes no one loves him

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Easter should be renamed “Sunshine Halloween”

I'm all for saving the planet, but poopie paper is taking the “going green” fad way too far. This Thailand-based company offers all sorts of wares made from animal feces — sheets of paper, envelopes and journals, to name a few. Personally, I'd rather not pour my heart out to a diary made of dung

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Would you buy paper made from recycled poop?

The recently resigned, president-elect of the American College of Surgeons thinks he's hilarious. Or at least he thought he did before the uproar over his Valentine's Day editorial in Surgery News . Don't tell me you missed the February issue. The latest copy is lying on my coffee table between The Podiatrist's Tribune and Proctology Weekly . In the piece, Dr.

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Dumb surgeon claims male ejaculate is an antidepressant

This dude you see above was walking around during the SXSW festival in Austin, TX with his head incased in vegetable matter.  However, it was so much more exciting than a nerd wearing shrubbery on his noggin — he had affixed two iPhones where his eyes would be and those phones showed moving images of the world from his point of view. Looking into his creepy iPhone eyes was like looking into a mirror.  He also had a backpack with more greenery spewing from it.  It was so stupid and so wonderful that everyone wanted to take a picture of him.  Green giant ball of WTF was happy to oblige, and I watched him pose for many snaps as he ambled around downtown.  He didn't have any logos on him, or QR code or fliers.  Unlike 99% of people there, he wasn't advertising or hawking anything.  Was he making a statement about green technology?  Did the images he was projecting of us seeing ourselves say something about dumb media narcissism?  Was he just a nutter

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If you wear dumb things on your head, people will stare and take pictures

This dude you see above was walking around during the SXSW festival in Austin, TX with his head incased in vegetable matter.  However, it was so much more exciting than a nerd wearing shrubbery on his noggin — he had affixed two iPhones where his eyes would be and those phones showed moving images of the world from his point of view. Looking into his creepy iPhone eyes was like looking into a mirror

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If you wear dumb things on your head, people will stare and take pictures